Shrek: (Yelling) NO! You bad, irritating, miniature piece of garbage! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. (whispers) See you later. Donkey: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that?

Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint and they won't leave. And there's that big awkward silence you know? (awkward silence) Can I stay with you? Lord Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. (laughs) The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. (laughs) Fiona: "Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form. Take love's true form. Take love's true form." The successful candidate will be required to work from our newly refurbished office in London at 12-14 Mortimer Street, W1T 3JJ. Fiona: But wait, Sir Knight! This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he throws away the onion and walks off) They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek burns his foot trying to stomp out the campfire, so Donkey urinates on the fire to put it out. They arrive at the outskirts of a giant volcano and begin to make their way up) Fiona: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your... Shrek: Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare -- you name it. Magic Mirror: Bachelorette number 2 is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.

Fiona: It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. Look I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just, just call me old-fashioned. I don't want to rush into a... a physical relationship. I'm not...not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this, uh - - "magnitude" really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude. Behind a broken wall, a giant eye opens to see an unaware Donkey. Elsewhere, Shrek spots a light in the window of a tower)

The crowd cheers and applauds. Shrek looks around, noticing a man holding up a cue card up to the crowd that reads "APPLAUSE")